Alone With Forever
by Suki-Itami
Summary: -Sister to "Separate Lives"- I don't love him at all, and I want to leave him so bad, but to keep Butters safe, I have to stay with him. All I can hope is that he doesn't find out that I go to my beloved's side whenever I leave our apartment...
1. No Serenity

_**A/N: **__Unlike its sister story, _Separate Lives_, this story is completely in Kenny's POV. Sorry this took so long to post, but I got caught up with another yaoi fanfic._

…

Why was this happening again? I knew I could have prevented this, but the effort would've just cost me another beating.

I glanced over at one of my wrists, bound to the wooden black post with now bloodied chicken wire from where it cut into my wrist - my other wrist was bound the same way, as were my ankles. I buried my face back into the pillow, I was bound stomach-down on the bed I shared my boyfriend, Eric Cartman. This wouldn't be happening if Clyde and Kyle weren't gone, they always prevented Cartman from savagely raping me like this, as hard as it must've been to do.

A naked body easily twice my size was suddenly hovering over me, blocking the light from the dark blue desk lamp on the other side of the room. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to brace myself for what was coming though I knew it would hurt all the same. I ground my teeth together and try to suppress a scream as his cock entered my asshole roughly.

"Come on, you whore," Cartman growled as he buried himself deep inside me, "scream."

"F-Fuck you," I breathed out.

Suddenly, my thin left arm was engulfed in one of his hands and he yanked back, sending the chicken wire deeper into my wrist. I cried out in pain as tears stung the back of my eyes. "I've told you before," he released my arm and began thrusting hard into me, "you don't backtalk me!"

I bit down on the pillow as hard as I could to prevent Cartman from hearing my screams and my moans. It would've just made him more aroused and then this would never end.

I can't remember the last time we actually made love. In the four years we've been dating, I could only remember the times that he'd raped me when we began sharing a bed. And if I fought it, he'd either beat me or take out his rage on someone else. After all this time, I couldn't care less if he hit me, if anything it was just annoying, but I hated seeing somebody else get hurt because of me. More than once, Kyle had gotten in Cartman's way during one of his fits, and I found out that Butters had actually been the first victim of Cartman's rage. I tried to leave him when I found out, but he only threatened to hurt Butters even more, so I've stayed by his side to protect Butters.

Cartman grabbed the back of my head, trying to pull it back but failing. I fought him, keeping my head down into the pillow and my teeth clenched firmly onto it. He pulled back harder, pulling on my hair and thrusting harder and faster as if to get my attention.

With a few more hard thrusts, I felt Cartman release inside of me and moan loudly. Once I felt him pull out of me, I collapsed against the bed and finally allowed my teeth to release the pillow. There were teeth marks and spit on it now, nothing new though.

I laid there, feeling his come inside of my asshole and hating it. In that moment, I was happy that I wasn't a woman. At least I couldn't get pregnant with that asswipe's child.

A moment later, metal cutters cut the chicken wire around my wrists and ankles, sending them plopping onto the mattress. The next thing I knew, my wrists and ankles were being bandaged. I looked over at Cartman, fully dressed in a white t-shirt and baggy blue jeans at this point, without any smile for him regardless of the small amount of "kindness" he was showing. The only reason he was bandaging my bloodied wrists and ankles for me was because I wouldn't get up to do it myself. Actually, I had nearly bled out once because I refused to get up and stop the bleeding.

"Hurry up and get dressed," Cartman said quickly when my wrists and ankles were bandaged. "Clyde and the Jew should be getting back before too long."

Once he shut the door behind him, I slowly sat up and tried to ignore the stabbing, shooting pain that occurred when I did. I looked around at the various boxes still left unpacked from when we moved into the two bedroom apartment with Clyde and Kyle two days ago. A full-length mirror was sitting near the bed, and I could see myself in it.

My normally spiky blonde hair was tousled, the back was spiked back in a straight line where Cartman pulled it. Aside from that and the stark white bandages marred by spots of blood, I looked fairly beautiful. I was thin, with a few lean muscles and pale skin. Narrow blue eyes, thin lips, and a sharp nose adorned a soft rounded face. There were a few purple, blue, and black welts along my arms and chest.

Slowly, I stood up and grabbed my red-orange sweatpants, slipping them on. They covered down to just below my ankles, hiding the bandages there. I grabbed a white t-shirt from next to where my sweatpants had been laying a moment ago. Last off, I slipped into my red-orange parka to hide the bandages on my wrists. I had to hide the bandages from Clyde and Kyle, or else Cartman will go ape-shit. (Nothing ever ended well when that happened.)

I brushed out my hair and stared at the dark bags under my eyes. They were never there when Cartman wasn't around. I looked awful, older than my seventeen years. It was time to end it, besides, it wasn't like I was faithful to him anyway. Maybe I was a whore, like he said, but there wasn't any possible way I would admit it to him.

I walked out of the room and looked at him where he was sitting on the couch watching one of the four channels our TV currently got. I took a quick breath and said, "Cartman, I'm tired of this."

"Then go to sleep." Cartman glanced over at me annoyingly. He really didn't understand what I was getting at, did he…?

"That's not what I was talking about." I shook my head and tried to think of easiest way to the door. When I told him that it was over, shit was gonna hit the fan.

"Then what do you mean?" Damn, he's an idiot…

"I'm done with you," I said quickly, "you're a self-righteous piece of crap and I don't want anything to do with you **anymore**!"

Cartman's eyes narrowed. "That's not a funny joke, you douche."

"What joke? I'm being serious." I began inching towards the door.

"What?" He was on his feet and across the room faster than I would've imagined he could move. He cut off my escape route to the door and there was no easy way around him. "You just think you can say we're done and that's it?"

I could feel my bones shaking, Cartman was ready to strike when I said, "Yes, I do." The next thing I knew, my back hit the wall and my right eye was throbbing. I gently poked the now tender area around my eye. "What the fuck was **that** for?"

"What makes you think that **anyone** is going to want you?" He screamed at me, trying to bring down my already nonexistent self-esteem. "You're just a whore, no one is ever going to want you!"

"If no one wants me, then why won't you get out of my fucking life?" I screamed back. "And why are you so damned obsessed with forcing me to stay by your side?"

He pinned my shoulder to the wall, making sure that I couldn't move. "Because," he grabbed my chin so I couldn't look away, (dammit), "you're **my** damaged property and it's **my** job to fix you."

Damaged? I shoved him away from me as hard as I possibly could. "I'm not some broken object, you fat fuck!"

"I'm not fat, godammit!"

Sometime during our screaming match, Kyle and Clyde returned home from their trip to the Lowe's in Denver. Kyle stepped close to us and yelled, "Guys, stop fighting!"

I shut my mouth, but as always, Cartman had to be difficult: "Why should I listen to you, you damn Jew?"

Clyde set a piece of plywood that was in his hands aside and shut the door. "I've told you before, you keep ripping on Kyle, I'm kicking your fat ass out."

"I'm not fat, godammit!" Cartman yelled.

I rolled my eyes and argued, "If your mother says you're fat, then you're fucking fat!"

"Shut the hell up, you fucking whore!" Yeah, like he hadn't told me that a million times before… I just narrowed my eyes in response.

"Both of you, stop it!" Kyle yelled at us both. I glanced over at the redhead, it was better looking at him than the asshole in front of me. "I have something to tell you guys that will hopefully keep you quiet for the next few hours while we finish up the bookshelf." They were working on a bookshelf?

"What is it?" I turned completely to Kyle so that I didn't have to look at Cartman even from the corner of my eye.

"You guys remember Stan, right?"

"Of course." I nodded. Stan was a dear friend of mine, Cartman, and Kyle's when we were in elementary school. Unfortunately, he was banished from South Park for not voting…we never were sure what happened to him.

"Yeah. Why?" Cartman asked.

"Well, he's been living in Denver ever since he was banished," Kyle said excitedly. "We found him working at the Lowe's, and even had dinner with him."

"Really?" I smiled wide. He was alive! That was amazing, not to mention the best news I'd heard in months!

"Yeah. We should all go visit him tomorrow, it's Saturday after all," Kyle said hopefully.

"I like the idea," I agreed. That would be so much fun! It'd be just like old times again…

"I don't care if that fuckwad is alive, he was banished for being an asshole and not voting. I'm not going to go see him, and if I'm not, you can't either Kenny," Cartman said defiantly.

What did he say? "Fuck you, dude," I argued with a deep glare aimed at him. "I've missed Stan, so I'm going to go with Kyle to see him tomorrow."

"Bullshit you are." He took a few heavy steps over to me and the next thing I noticed was my head jerking to the side as a loud _smack _resonated through my head. "How do I know you won't try to fuck him? You're a whore after all."

He just…godammit! I grit my teeth, wanting to fight back, to punch or kick him, but knowing it would only get worse if I did. Instead, I threw open the door of the apartment and ran down the street towards South Park High School. Tears were streaming down my face unbidden as I ran. Why was it so hard to leave Cartman? It wasn't like we loved each other anyway… Actually, I was in love with the beautiful, innocent Butters.


	2. Innocent Children

_**A/N: **__Happy New Years everyone! ^.^_

…

By the time I arrived at the high school, my tears had stopped and my breathing was heavy. I rested one hand on the cold metal door of the band hall, waiting for my breath to catch up with the rest of me. Goddamn that Cartman! Bruises he inflicted days ago were beginning to hurt around my chest.

I gripped onto my parka as I waited for the pain to disappear. Slowly, as my heart stopped pounding in my ears, the pain from the bruises subsided and I pulled open the door.

The cellos and the wind instruments were on the final riff of Apocalyptica's _"Nothing Else Matters" _when I walked in. The band director, Mr. Garrison, was nowhere to be found so most of the band was sitting around talking. (That always happened, it seemed. The cellos, flutes, violins, and some of the percussionists were always the ones playing, everyone else was just there because no one was ever sure when Garrison would show.) I leaned against a white brick wall next to a black cello case marked _Leopold "Butters" Stotch_ and slid down the wall to be sitting down on the white tiled floor.

My gaze automatically fell to the soft faced blonde haired boy in the light blue long-sleeved shirt and dark green pants playing the cello beautifully. The lovely boy made me forget the anger I held only a moment ago, even just gazing at him brought such a calm over me that I just relaxed. I knew that when I had him in my arms later, I'd just melt, as I always did when we held each other.

After a quick moment of silence, and after a few more people turned to talk and ignore the music, those left playing began another one of Apocalyptica's songs: _"Beautiful."_ It was then that Butters saw me; he smiled as his sky blue eyes met mine and began playing the first few soft notes of the song. Seeing him playing the cello, no matter how serene he looked, reminded me why he began playing in the first place.

Three years ago, only a year into my and Cartman's relationship, I learned that only a month into the relationship, Cartman paid the goth kids to rape Butters. I was never told the reason why, but I never really wanted a reason; there could be no good reason for what he did. I tried to leave him when I found out, but he wouldn't let me. I think that's about when the rape and abuse began, if I remember right.

As Butters turned his attention back to the sheet music on the black metal stand in front of him, I felt someone sit down beside me. "Kenny," Kyle's voice muttered.

"Hey Kyle," I muttered back response. I would've talked a little louder, but I didn't want to disturb the people playing. "He's getting better…much better."

"He is."

"They were finishing up _'Nothing Else Matters'_ when I walked in."

"Good song."

"Yeah," I muttered, trying to immerse myself into the song but failing. With my friend by my side, I knew that I'd just feel bad later for bad brushing him off.

"Kenny, why are you still with Cartman?" Did he have to bring this up now? "You don't love him, he treats you like you're the worst person to ever walk the Earth, and it's obvious that you want to be with Butters."

I sighed. "I **am** with Butters." I hoped that Butters wouldn't mind that I told Kyle simply because we hadn't told anyone, though it wasn't like he was going to tell Cartman.

"What?" I could suddenly feel his shocked gaze on the side of my face at my words. "You're dating Butters? But…why are you still with Cartman then?"

"Why do you think we were fighting when you and Clyde got home?" I shook my head as I felt tears stinging the back of my eyes again; I fought to keep them down. "I tried to break it off with him, but he refused to let it happen. He got angry and cold cocked me."

"Well, we're home now, so you can try again tonight. I'll tell Clyde what's going on, and he can steal Cartman's key–"

I cut him off quickly, "I know that would be the best thing to do, but," I pulled my long legs up to my chest and hugged them, "I'm scared. Not for myself, but for Butters."

Kyle was silent again, but I could see him nodding from the corner of my eye. We sat there like that for a moment longer, his eyes still locked on the side of my face. I wanted to look back at him, but even more, I didn't want him to see the rising tears. "We could hire a hitman to kill him."

That made me want to smirk. Who would've guessed my best friend would come to the same conclusion I had? But… "Don't have the money," I sighed, "otherwise I would've done that a long time ago."

"Yeah…"

"Hey Kenny," Butters said with happiness gracing his every feature and coming strongly through his voice as he walked up to the cello case sitting next to me, "hey Kyle."

"Hey Butters," me and Kyle said simultaneously. I wasn't sure about the redhead, but I was really trying hard to hide the tone of voice I had been using earlier when talking with him about the dark subject of abuse and death.

"What're you doing here? You never come here on Fridays." Butters looked over at me and I saw his eyes widen slightly. He must've seen the black eye. "Oh. You and Eric got into a fight, huh?"

Ever so gently, I touched the edge of the bruise around my eye but still felt a painful stinging sensation when I did. Damn bastard hit me pretty hard. "Yeah."

"Was it because you tried to leave him?" I told him two days ago, when me and Cartman first began renting out the apartment with Clyde and Kyle, that I was going to leave Cartman. If I had just managed to successfully leave him, it could just be me and Butters - well, maybe not **entirely**, but we probably wouldn't pay any attention to Clyde and Kyle for a while. (Hehe...)

"…Yeah…"

"H-Hey there guys," Tweek walked up to all of us to put away his flute in its case, next to where Kyle was sitting. I had to admit that I was a little happy the caffeine addict blonde in the wrongly button gray jacket and dark blue skinny jeans appeared, it saved me from having to worry about breaking down in the middle of the band hall.

"Hey Tweek," all three of us greeted.

"W-Was Craig's Mustang outside?" Craig and Tweek had only been dating for a few years, yet they already seemed to have planned out their entire lives together.

I thought for a moment. I don't think I saw the blue Mustang belonging to the football jock in the parking lot… "I didn't see it, but he could've still been in football practice."

"Oh no!" Oh crap, he's freaking out again. "What if he forgets I'm here? I'll have to walk home, and then s-someone will–"

"Relax," Craig, in an open blue jacket and hat over his green football jersey and blue skinny jeans, hugged Tweek from behind, "I'd never forget you."

"Hey Craig," Kyle said as I turned my attention back to Butters.

"Hon," I said softly as I rested one hand of top of the one of his polishing the strings of his cello, "how are you today?"

Butters smiled softly and glanced at me. "Good. And you?"

"I've had better days, but," I brushed my lips against his when I was sure no one was looking, "I'm doing great now that I'm with you."

He turned bright red - so cute - and quickly finished cleaning the strings of his instrument. He stood up. "I-I'm ready to go whenever you guys are." He bumped his fists together as if embarrassed. He really was adorable without meaning to.

I stood up as Kyle did and followed Butters out into the cold again. It seemed that even Kyle didn't think to grab a car, so we ended up walking the mile and a half to Butters' house. About halfway there, snow began to softly fall to the ground. As we got closer to the Stotch house, the snow got heavier and heavier until it got to the point where I was glad that none of us drove. It would've been much worse to drive in this than walk.

"You guys can stay here for now," Butters said as he let us in the house. "I-If the snow hasn't let up by the time you guys want to go back, I can see if m-mom and dad can take you home."

I nodded as I slipped my parka and boots off - I don't even remember putting them on before I left, but they were there, so I must've. I followed my boyfriend into the kitchen so we could make some cocoa, realizing that Kyle wasn't following us.

As Butters was reached into a cabinet for the instant cocoa mix, I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his left shoulder. He looked over at me with another blush crossing his face. "K-Ken?"

I smiled at him. "You're so adorable, baby." I gently kissed his neck.

"Kenny," he breathed. I felt one of his hands rest on the back of my head as if to tell me to continue.

In an automatic response, I slowly reached for the button of his pants with one hand and used the other to keep his head turned to me as I connected our lips. When I did, I could feel the usual jolt of electricity pulse through me. I snaked my tongue into his mouth, finally glad my urge to once again taste him was being fulfilled. I could feel the heat coming from Butters' face, he was blushing again. Sometimes he was too innocent for his own good, but it just made me want him more.

We stopped when we heard someone clearing their throat behind us. I turned and saw Kyle standing there with a light blush and a small smile on his face. This time, a blush crossed my face. I had completely forgotten Kyle was here…oops.

"You guys want me to leave you alone for a while?" He chuckled.

"Uh," Butters wiggled his way out of my arms and reached for the cabinet with the cocoa powder in it again, "s-sorry about that," he muttered so softly Kyle probably couldn't hear him.

I chuckled and wrapped one arm around his shoulders as I completely turned to the redhead. "Sorry, we just got swept up in the moment."

Kyle shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I won't tell Cartman." He shrugged. "Besides, you two are much better suited for each other."

My smiled widened and I pulled Butters closer into my side as he turned to look at Kyle too. "I thought so too."

Butters smiled, his blush nearly completely gone again. "D-Do you want some hot chocolate, Kyle?"

Kyle nodded. "Yeah."

I let Butters go so he could get the milk out of his fridge and make the hot chocolate. When all three of us had our hot chocolate, we sat down at the rounded table and began talking like we were innocent children again. It was almost enough to make me forget that Kyle was engaged, I was almost always unhappy, and Butters was the only one who could bring a genuine smile to my face. Why couldn't we just go back to those days? They much happier, when we didn't have any worries - excluding the town being destroyed regularly - and could just smile.


	3. A Shower Before Bed

Later in the evening, as the sun was setting, me, Butters, and Kyle were sitting on the dark green couch in front of the TV watching some reality show. None of us were really into it, but we weren't really dashing for the remote either. Butters was sitting in my lap, his head against my collarbone and his eyes closed. He was desperately trying to take a nap - he was always tired after school - but his light red face said that my arms, wrapped around his shoulders, were keeping him up. (Probably wasn't helping that I had my face buried in his hair - it smelled like a Piña Colada, very fruity.) To my right, I could hear the soft, rapid _tick, tick, tick_ of Kyle's cell phone as he was texting someone.

Before long, Butters snuggled into me, resting one hand on my chest. Slowly, his breathing evened out and he completely relaxed against me. I looked at his face, seeing the light blush still there along with a serene look gracing his features; he was asleep.

I sighed deeply, longingly at him before kissing the top of his head. The innocence within the blonde in my lap was so hard to find anymore, especially with what happened to him Freshman year, and I thought it had to be why I was in love with him.

"He really is adorable," Kyle commented as he flipped his cell phone shut.

I looked over at my best friend with a slight glare. I knew that he wouldn't think about taking Butters from me, but I couldn't help but feel protective. "He is."

Kyle's phone buzzed in his hand and he flipped it open, quickly responding to the text message.

"Who're you texting," I asked out of curiosity, "Clyde?"

"No," he shook his head, "Stan."

"Oh." I slipped my eyes closed and relaxed with my face back in Butters hair. Maybe I didn't say much about Kyle texting Stan because I knew that if Stan came back to South Park, I'd be losing my best friend to him. They were always best friends in elementary school after all, if he came back, they were sure to be as close as they once were.

What was I thinking? Why should I be concerned with who Kyle's best friend was? Besides, it's not like I'd realize too much if Butters was around.

I tightened my arms around Butters' shoulders, holding him tight to me, almost afraid to let go.

"Damn." I looked as Kyle stood up and walked to the window. "There's no way we're going to make it back tonight."

I turned my head to look out of the window he was looking out of, seeing the snow falling even heavier than it had been earlier. "Is it piling up?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "It's gonna probably be over a foot before tomorrow morning if it keeps up like this."

I sighed. "Wonderful," I said sarcastically. If I couldn't make it home tonight, Cartman was going to freak out and I didn't want to deal with that. Then again, it'd be worth it to spend a night with my beloved Butters in my arms.

"Yeah." Kyle sighed and flipped open his phone again. "I'm gonna call Clyde and tell him we're stuck here."

"Make sure he tells Cartman I went to my parents' house," I said quickly. Since we were staying here tonight, I had to make sure Cartman wasn't going to try to get here. Telling him I was at my parents' was the usual excuse for whenever I wanted some alone time with Butters.

"Don't worry," he held his phone to his ear, "I will."

About that time, _"Caramelldansen" _began sounding off from the kitchen. In my arms, Butters stirred and then woke up with a sigh. Reluctantly, I let him out of my arms when he told me that that was probably his parents calling, and watched as he walked tiredly into the kitchen.

With both of them on the phone, I turned my attention to the TV just as _Jersey Shore _was starting. Immediately, I scooped up the remote and channel surfed until I found a retro cartoon that played on Cartoon Network some years ago. With a sigh, Kyle plopped back down where he had been sitting.

"Well," he said, "Clyde's phone officially sucks. I couldn't hear him, and I'm not sure if he could hear me, but I'm sure at this point he knows we aren't coming home."

I nodded. "Maybe you should get Clyde one of those AT&T Go Phones for his birthday. Mine works great."

He sighed. "Yeah, it's an idea."

Butters walked back out of the kitchen as he slid his cell phone shut. "Mom and dad are s-stuck at my aunt's house. They won't make it home tonight."

I couldn't help but smile as he cuddled back into my lap. Without having to worry about his parents coming home, or having to go home tonight, we could finally have a night alone. I wrapped my arms tight around him. "That's fine with me."

Kyle chuckled. "I'll just stay on the couch tonight." I looked over at my friend with a smile of thanks.

"Are you sure?" Butters asked with a concerned tone. He was too sweet for his own good sometimes.

"Yeah," Kyle nodded with a small smile, "I'll give you two some alone time."

My own smile widened. "Thanks man."

"It's nothing."

I stood up, bringing Butters with me, holding him bridal style my arms. His arms tightened around my neck at the unexpected movement and his face turned red again. "K-Kenny?"

"Come on," I kissed his forehead, "I'll put you to bed." For once, I wasn't implying anything by saying that to him, he really did look tired.

He didn't say anything as I carried him up the stairs, but when we were just out of Kyle's earshot, Butters looked at me innocently and said, "I-I need a shower first."

I smiled softly at him. "Okay then. Just tell me when you're done so I can put you to bed."

"No," he connected our lips for a brief moment, "I want you to j-join me."

My eyes widened slightly at Butters' suggestion, but when it sunk in, I made a dash for the bathroom. Okay, so maybe I should've gotten the implication when he said it, but it's Butters. How was I supposed to know he wasn't just being cute?

I set him on his feet in the small bathroom and let him get the shower running as I stripped off my clothes. When I faced him again, he was taking off his underwear and staring at me with such a cute expression of love that I automatically gathered him into my arms and brought our lips together.

He stopped me as I went to pick him up and take him into the shower. "What is it?" I asked concernedly. Was I doing something wrong?

Butters gently grabbed one of my wrists, still bandaged from when Cartman raped me earlier. "What happened?"

My eyes dropped to my wrist; where the chicken wire had cut into my skin was completely soaked in blood. I had forgotten that he had never seen my wrists and ankles like this. "It was Cartman," I said slowly, hating that I was telling him this - he wouldn't have let up until I told him though. "When he…rapes me, he binds my wrists and ankles with chicken wire." I saw his eyes widened and tears begin to rise. "It cuts deep into my skin, causing me to bleed severely." I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from falling but failing. (Dammit, stop.) "I can't fight him, I'm too afraid that he'll turn around and hurt Kyle, or…or…"

"Me?" Butters rested his hands on either side of my face and turned me so that I was looking at him. "Please don't worry about me," he kissed my cheek where a tear had been falling, "he can't hurt me anymore than he already has."

A sad smile crossed my face and I pulled him into my chest again. God, he was too good for me. I rested one hand on the back of his head, my fingers curling in his blonde hair, and laid my head on his bare shoulder, allowing more tears to fall. I could feel his arms tight around my torso, one of his fingers tracing my shoulder blade softly. It was oddly relaxing to feel his finger running over scars Cartman had inflicted months ago, it made them almost seem to disappear.

Finally, I lifted my head from his shoulder and stared at his eyes through the remaining tears that refused to fall. "Butters…" I touched my lips to his in a chaste kiss. "I love you so much."

A carefree smile then graced his features. "I love you too Ken."

Our lips found each other again and I snaked my tongue into his mouth. As our tongue began dancing with each other, I picked him up and pinned him against the shower wall. The water was hot against both of us, but I didn't mind it and neither did Butters it seemed. His hands rested gently on my chest, moving slowly downward though I was fairly certain he didn't realize it. My hands rested on his slender hips and moving slowly to caress his bum - he moaned when I did.

Before either of us knew it, I was inside of him, thrusting slowly so that he wouldn't feel too much pain; his legs wrapped around my waist. My mouth was on the crook of his neck, kissing him there. I could hear his moans and heavy breathing next to my ear, and I just knew his face would be tinted red from passion instead of some form of embarrassment for once.

As we continued, I thrust harder inside of him, earning louder moans from him. I moved so that I could kiss him again as I felt myself about to release. As we both came, our lips disconnected and we cried out in a simultaneous burst of passion.

We stayed like that a few moments longer, exchanging kisses and I love yous, before I pulled out of him and we sank to the floor of the tub with our arms wrapped around each other. The water, now a little cold at this point, was washing away our come, sending it into the drain.

Butters looked up at me from where his head was resting on my chest with tired eyes. "I think I'm ready for bed now."

I smiled gently at him - he looked so cute like that - and kissed his forehead. "Let's go get you tucked in then."


	4. Stupid Boy

_**A/N: **__I was listening to Keith Urban's _"Stupid Boy" _while writing this chapter, so…yeah. It actually makes some sense if you listen to the song when you read the dreams/flashbacks._

…

I smiled as Butters laid down next to me in nothing but a pair of light blue Hello Kitty pajama pants and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, (I myself actually only had my sweatpants on). He rested his head on my collarbone, his hands on my chest, as his eyes slipped closed and I felt his breathing even out. He really must've been tired to have already fallen asleep.

I allowed my own eyes to close as well, tired from the shower we took a few minutes ago. Still feeling my beloved in my arms, I slipped off into sleep, hoping for another happy dream of our lives in the near future.

…

_I opened my eyes and found myself staring at the same poster of the WWE Diva I grew up waking to on the ceiling. A thin blanket covered me from the middle of my bare chest down to my feet, though it didn't do much, I was still cold._

_Sighing, I forced myself to sit up and crack my neck. I died again last night, run over by a drunk driver while walking home. Oh well, it wasn't going to be the last time I died, so I supposed there was no reason to worry about it._

_I stood up and grabbed my red-orange parka from my closet with the broken door - I was already in a pair of my sweatpants of the same color - and slipped into it without bothering to put a shirt on underneath it. Another uneventful day at school was all that was waiting for me today. (Fun, fun.)_

"_Kenny, hurry up," my mother's voice drifted in from the living room, "or you'll be late again!"_

"_Yeah, yeah." I sighed and grabbed my dark blue backpack from where it sat next to my bedroom door. My hair was fine, so I didn't bother doing anything to it._

_As I walked out of the door, I slipped my dark brown boots on. Without a goodbye to either of my parents, I left, shutting the door behind me as I went. Only a mile down the road, I intercepted Kyle as he was leaving his house. We talked all the way to the high school, not too concerned when Cartman didn't emerge from his house as we past it. He skipped school more than anyone else I knew._

"_Hey," Kyle said, his eyes narrowing in an attempt to look ahead, "is that Cartman up there?"_

_I peered ahead and saw him talking with Kyle's boyfriend, Clyde, outside of the front entrance. "I'll be damned, it is."_

"_He's never here early. I wonder what the occasion is…?"_

_I shook my head, unable to think of a single thing. "No idea."_

_Both of us asked Cartman why he was at the school early as soon as we walked up to him and Clyde. He turned bright red, something he __**never**__ did, and mumbled something incoherent to all of us._

"_What was that?" I asked. I only asked because I could've sworn I heard my name when he was mumbling, though I could've been mistaken._

_He took in a sharp breath and then asked loudly, "Kenny, will you go on a date with me?"_

_My eyes widened and my mouth dropped. Cartman was asking me out? I mean, I knew it wasn't a big secret that I was bisexual, but I just never expected Cartman to be one of the guys to ask me on a date. To my left, I could sense the same shock coming from Clyde and Kyle. When I didn't answer, Cartman asked what was wrong._

"_Well, uh," I rested my hand against my forehead, the question still trying to sink in, "it was just kind of unexpected."_

"_Unexpected?" He didn't seem to understand how weird his asking me was._

"_You're just…well; honestly, one of the last people I ever thought would ask me out."_

_He sighed and he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah… I knew it might've been a long shot asking you, but I've been wanting to for a few months now. I just wasn't sure how you'd react."_

_I thought for a moment; Cartman could be an inconsiderate ass, but lately he had actually become a bearable person to be around. Maybe it was because he was falling for me without any of us realizing it. I couldn't be sure…but, what the hell. One date wouldn't hurt anyone._

"_Okay, Cartman, one date." I crossed my arms over my chest. "That's all."_

_A rare smile crossed his face suddenly. "Great!"_

_That night, our date was actually wonderful, the best I had ever been on up to that point. The carnival had been in town, so we went there. (Yes, a cliché of a date, as I thought at first, but it had been fun.) Cartman won me __**so**__ much stuff, we actually had to go drop some off at my house before continuing around the carnival. Even during the point where the ferris-wheel broke while we were on it was good. We sat there talking, then cuddling, and then at some point, we were kissing. By the time we got off the ferris-wheel, we had decided to be boyfriends; we just thought we felt the chemistry there._

_Cartman walked me home that night, kissed me, and then left. I had thought he would've been like most of the boys I went out with and would've gotten me into bed, but he didn't even try. I really thought he was a sweet guy after all…_

_The next morning, I leaned against the locker next to my friend, Butters. He had to be the only gay guy in the school who hadn't gotten into my pants, or even tried for that matter._

_He smiled at me as he closed his locker door. "H-Hey there Kenny." A small blush appeared on his face, as it always did when we talked._

"_Morning Butters." I smiled._

"_I-I heard you and Eric went out last night."_

_My smile got wider. "Yeah, we did. I wasn't expecting it to go so well, honestly."_

"_I see… So, a-are you two…dating?"_

_I chuckled happily. "Yeah…" I didn't realize it then, but Butters' face dropped and his eyes became sad. Even so, he feigned happiness for me and Cartman's relationship._

"_I'm really happy for you two." He continued smiling._

"_Thanks."_

"_Kenny!" I turned to Cartman's voice behind me. "Come on, we'll be late for class."_

"_Okay!" I looked back at Butters for a moment. "See ya later."_

"_Y-Yeah, see ya," Butters said quietly._

_I ran over to Cartman and caught his hand with one of mine with a smile. I saw the dirty look in his eyes aimed behind me, but at the time, I thought that maybe someone had been staring at me or him funny. I would've never guessed that glare was aimed at Butters._

…

For a brief moment, I opened my eyes. Why was I dreaming about when I first started dating Cartman? Looking back on it, I made the worst mistake by taking him up on that date offer.

Tiredly, I glanced at the digital clock on Butters' nightstand - midnight - and then back down at the blonde still sleeping soundly in my arms. Seeing the peace still present on his features made me quickly fall back to sleep, hoping I could get reality out of my mind.

…

"_What the fuck were you __**thinking**__?" I screamed at Cartman, sitting on his couch in front of the TV, who didn't have a single shred of regret present in his eyes. I was holding my cell phone tight in my fist, threatening to break it._

_I had just finished talking with Kyle, who had stayed with Butters last night. He said that our friend woke up screaming in the middle of the night, and when Kyle asked him what was wrong, he told him that he'd been gang raped by the Goth kids in the high school a year ago and had had a nightmare about it. When Kyle asked __**them**__ about it, they admitted to it but also said that Eric Cartman paid them to do it._

_When I asked Cartman about it, he said that he did pay the Goth kids to rape Butters. At first, I couldn't respond, too shocked that he'd admitted it so calmly, but when it finally sunk in, I began screaming at him. I just couldn't believe he was that much of a bastard, I could've killed him!_

"_Why in the hell would you pay them to __**rape**__ Butters?" I continued._

_He sighed annoyingly because I was both blocking the TV and screaming over the volume. "Because if I didn't, he would've taken you away from me!" He yelled back. "What do you care anyway? The only person you should be concerned with is __**me**__!"_

_My mouth dropped open. What was this shit he was saying? "Butters is my friend, Cartman! Why the fuck…" I shook my head. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

_He stood up and glared directly into my eyes. "Look, you're my property! Butters isn't allowed anywhere near you, and you should be glad I still let you hang out with Kyle!"_

"_Property?" I couldn't believe what he was saying. I thought Cartman was a nice, sweet guy, but it's all just been an act. Ever since we began dating, he only pretended to be nice so I'd be his boyfriend and then maybe his husband. But I was no one's property! "You don't own me, you fat fuck!"_

"_I'm not fat, you fucking whore!"_

_I ground my teeth together. That was it! Fuck this; I needed to go see Butters! "You know what Cartman, fuck you! We're done!"_

"_What was that?" Rage was visibly gathering inside him, saying that our relationship was over was only adding fuel to the fire, but I didn't care._

"_We're done! As in, I don't want anything to do with you!" Suddenly, I was pushed against the wall and Cartman's hands were wrapped around my throat. "What the hell are you–Stop!" I struggled against him as he tightened his hands around my neck, cutting off my oxygen supply. "Cartman, I can't breathe…!"_

"_You're __**not**__ leaving me!" His hands got tighter, (fuck, I'm getting lightheaded!), as he yelled. "Say that you won't leave me!"_

"_Fine," I squeaked out with my remaining breath, "I won't leave you!"_

_He released me and I dropped to my hands and knees, coughing and trying to regain my breath. My neck hurt like hell, there was going to be a bruise there later, I could already tell. What was his problem? Why did he try to kill me?_

_When I turned to demand an answer, he pinned me down and bit down on my neck, making it hurt even worse. "Get the hell off me!"_

_He didn't reply and he didn't move except to tear off my clothes. As he did, I struggled and screamed at him to let me go and to get off me, but it didn't deter him. He raped me right there, laughing about me being his whore as he did._

…

I jumped awake, my eyes going wide as the memory once again flashed before my mind. That had been the worst day of my life, the one time I would've welcomed death with open arms. But regardless of what Cartman had said and did, I had limped to Butters' side and cried with him. I had tried breaking it off with Cartman a second time, but that time, he threatened to kill Butters and then raped me again. If it hadn't been for the fact that I knew he'd go through with his threat to kill Butters, I still would've left him that day.

Really, Butters has been my strength through all of it. If it hadn't been for the fact that he'd been secretly supporting me and comforting me throughout all these years, I would've killed myself over and over, hoping and praying for a final death.

I buried my face into his hair as a few stray tears escaped my eyes. "Butters," I muttered, "thank you." I felt him stir in my arms. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said tiredly as his eyes slowly opened. He smiled at me. "Good morning."

I smiled softly at him, trying to hide anything that would've told him I had a horrible nightmare about the past. "And good morning to you." I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips and turned us so that he was lying on top of me.

We lay there like that, not saying a word, just enjoying each others' touch, for probably another hour before Kyle appeared to wake us up. We got up and followed him to the door, watching him as he walked in the direction of the apartment. When he was gone, me and Butters lay down on the couch together and fell back asleep in each others' arms. This time, my dreams were filled only with him.


	5. Fear

By the time I woke up, it was nearly noon and Butters was in the kitchen cooking what smelled like a grilled cheese, so I was alone on the couch with one arm still resting over my stomach and the other hanging to the ground. Groggily, I sat up and stretched, popping my back in the process. God, that had felt good! I probably shouldn't sleep on the couch again…

I stood and walked into the kitchen, running my hand through my knotted hair in an attempt to fix it a bit. My eyes were still heavy with exhaustion, but I knew that I shouldn't and wouldn't go back to sleep. Besides, I loved my beloved's cooking; nothing could ever make me pass it up.

Smiling at seeing him still in his pajama pants and also now in a matching Hello Kitty nightshirt that had the face of the Japanese character stamped all over it, I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Hey there."

Butters looked back at me, turning his attention away from the lightly browned sandwich in the black pan in front of him and smiling softly when he saw me. "G-Good morning. How'd you sleep?"

"Great, since I was with you." I pecked his left cheek gently, almost laughing when I saw a light blush appear there. "And you?"

The smile on Butters' face dropped as he turned his attention back to his grilled cheese. He looked sad suddenly, as if he didn't want to answer. Did he have a nightmare? "Um, I-I slept great too."

I waited until he put the grilled cheese on a plate before turning his head back to me. "You don't have to lie." I knew that I was lying too, but it wasn't like I didn't eventually have great dreams. "Did you have a nightmare?"

His mouth formed into a thin line, like he was trying not to show that he **had** had a nightmare. "N…No…"

"Butters," I said with a tone I had heard his parents use multiple times when we were kids, it was the tone that said "tell me the truth."

"Well, uh," he turned his eyes back to the stove, "oh hamburgers," he muttered. Normally I'd chuckle at the phrase he'd said since his childhood, but I really wanted an answer and if I chuckled then I'd get off topic and forget. I waited silently for his answer, knowing that he was avoiding the question as he reached to turn the stove off, but I didn't release him.

He didn't move for a while, I could feel him shaking down to his very core, whatever he'd dreamed about must've been horrible. I caught his wrist as he was reaching for the sandwich he made, I wasn't going to let him avoid the question anymore. He just froze, staying quiet as I brought him closer into my still bare chest to tell him silently that he could tell me and that I wasn't going to let him go until he** did** tell me.

"Butters," I finally said, tired of the silence, "please tell me."

At last, I felt him relax against me as he said slowly, "It was about…Eric." He moved the arm I was holding so that his fingers were laced with mine, he then let our arms drop down to his side.

"That sounds scary already," I joked, hoping that bringing humor to the situation would make it easier for him to tell me.

Butters looked at me with only a partially amused smile on his face before continuing, "I dreamed that he f-found out about us. H-He…tricked us both into thinking that he wasn't angry about it. We were w-walking somewhere and he came up behind us and lashed out at us both."

My eyes narrowed. "Lashed out?"

"…He stabbed us both in the back." I took in a sharp breath. He had that dream last night and still had that look of calm on his face? Well, maybe that was before I woke up or after I went back to sleep. "I woke up after that."

"…What time did you wake up, do you know?"

"Eleven thirty…?"

I sighed. That wasn't too long before I woke up the first time. It was bad enough when I had that nightmare of a memory, I couldn't imagine having a nightmare about our deaths. "Were you up long?"

"Y-Yeah… I don't know when I went back to sleep, but it did take a while." He slipped his hand out of mine and began bumping his fists together. I honestly thought he'd be doing that a long time ago, but regardless, it was still cute.

I wrapped my other arm back around his waist. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You looked so r-relaxed, I didn't wanna bother you."

"Butters," I turned him around to face me, "I wouldn't have cared." I kissed his forehead. "You could've woken me up for the most trivial thing and I wouldn't have cared."

He smiled softly and laid his head on the left side of my chest; I rested one hand on the back of his head, holding him there. I buried my face in his hair, it still smelled fruity. How did I get so lucky to be able to call him mine?

"Hmm… I can hear your heart," he muttered.

I had to smile at that. After that dream he had, it must've been nice to hear that I was alive and my heart was beating. "Hey, let's go out today."

"Huh?" Butters looked up at me like I was crazy. Okay, maybe I was a little crazy since we were trying to keep our relationship a secret from Cartman, but we could just go out as "friends."

"Come on, let's go out. On an actual date."

"B-But, Kenny, Eric could find out." He was shaking again. He was really scared that his nightmare would come true.

I shook my head and brushed a lock of his hair from his face. "Don't worry. I won't let that happen. Besides, we just need to avoid the area where Cartman works." Luckily, I had memorized Cartman's work schedule. He should be at work by now.

"Well, uh," he cast his eyes to the side for a moment before saying, "sure." His mouth formed into a smile again. "I just need to change."

"But I think you look perfect in what you're wearing now."

"I can't go out in this." He wriggled out of my arms and grabbed the plate with the grilled cheese on it, holding it out to me. "Here, I made this for you."

I blinked and took the plate. "Really?"

He nodded and bumped his fists together again. "Yeah, I wanted to surprise you with something when you woke up."

My mouth turned into a wide smile and I chuckled. "Thank you babe." I kissed his forehead. "I'm sure it tastes wonderful."

His smile still on his face, Butters walked past me and went upstairs to change. When he was out of sight, I boosted myself onto the counter and began eating the grilled cheese. It really did taste great, as always. I wasn't sure what he did different than anyone else, but I always loved whatever he cooked the best.

By the time he came back down - in a light blue Hello Kitty v-neck t-shirt and blue skinny jeans, a black silk choker around his neck - I had only a few more bites of the grilled cheese left. He looked so innocent and hot at the same time with the combination of clothing, all of it clinging to his every curve and tiny muscle. I popped what was left of the sandwich into my mouth and hopped off the counter.

"So sexy," I said as I wrapped my arms around him and picked him up, holding him so close as I did that I could feel the different contours of his chest through his shirt and against my bare chest.

"K-Kenny?" He turned red again and threw his arms around my neck as if he was afraid he was going to fall.

I laughed loudly and put him back down on his feet, still not taking my arms from around him. Maybe I held onto him too much, maybe it was strange that I never wanted to let him go, but I just loved the warmth I always felt inside when I did. He was like a ray of sunlight. I bent my head down and stole a quick kiss from him.

He smiled and slowly moved his hands from around my neck to rest near the top of my stomach. He leaned forward and, when I thought he was just going to lean into me again, licked the middle of my chest. I shuddered and glanced down at him in surprise as he continued running his tongue up my chest, looking up at me with innocent eyes. Damn… Oh God, what have I done to him? (It wasn't not a bad thing, but damn, he just looked so innocent…)

A moment later, he laughed his usual beautiful laugh and straightened back up into a full stand. "If we're gonna go out, you might wanna get changed."

My mouth dropped open when he did that suddenly. What the hell? Seriously, what have I done to him? He's becoming a tease! "Babe," I groaned, "don't do that."

Butters chuckled, his face still red. "S-Sorry Ken but I wanted to see how you reacted."

I sighed and patted him on the shoulder. "Next time, I'm jumping you," I warned with a playful smirk.

He bumped his fists together, a small smile on his face. "O-Okay."

I kissed him on the forehead again and went upstairs for the white t-shirt I left in the bathroom last night. Opening the bathroom door, I found the room in the same state we left it in; two blue towels laying in a small heap near the toilet, Butters' long-sleeved shirt, pants, and boxers next to my t-shirt in front of the sink near the tub. I slipped back my t-shirt, not bothering with the wrinkles in it from where we stepped on it after the shower, and picked everything up, throwing it all into the clothes hamper in front of the toilet.

Realizing that I didn't exactly smell that great, I opened the medicine cabinet above the sink and reached for the cheap cologne belonging to Butters' dad that sat between my boyfriend's Cherry Blossom perfume and a transparent half-empty orange bottle. Pills? My curiosity got the best of me and I grabbed the bottle as I put the cologne back into place. The label on the bottle said that the pills were anti-depressants for…Butters…? Why would he need anti-depressants? I wanted to ask him but I knew that would just ruin our day together, so I put the pills back into the medicine cabinet and closed the mirror.

Slowly, I made my way back down the stairs and into the kitchen where Butters was now washing the few dishes that had been in the sink. I leaned against the counter next to the sink. "You ready to go?"

He smiled at me as he set aside a plate he'd been washing and wiped his hands dry. "Yeah." He followed me to the door, where I zipped myself back into my parka and he slipped into a tight light blue jacket, leaving it open.

Once we were out the door and began walking towards the downtown area of South Park, Butters latched onto my arm and rested his head against my shoulder. I glanced down at him and smiled softly as my other hand went into the pocket of my parka. I would've never thought he'd hang onto me like that after seeming so nervous about us going on a date.

As we entered the downtown area, I took a quick glance inside of my black and red Fender wallet. I didn't have a lot of money, but it seemed like just enough to be able to treat him to a good meal. The further we walked towards the Chinese restaurant near the local tattoo parlor, the more nervous I got - that was where Cartman worked. The building before the one the Chinese restaurant was part of, I turned Butters right, away from even the side of the main road the restaurant was on, and went a little further down before stopping at a cheap Italian place.

"Here?" I asked him, just to be sure.

He looked at the place and then nodded. "Yeah."

I used my free arm to open the green wooden door of the restaurant. "After you, my love."

He released my arm and giggled. I could see just from a glance that his face had turned light red at my comment. He seemed a little more relaxed now that I seemed relaxed, though in all honesty, I was still nervous as all hell. I wasn't sure if anyone Cartman would talk to worked here, but it wasn't like he was all that social in the first place. I shouldn't worry so much.

I grabbed onto his hand as the door swung shut behind us and we stood next to a sign that said, _"The host(ess) will seat you."_ He looked up at me concernedly, catching my attention. "What's wrong?" I asked, taking a quick glance to the side to make sure no one was coming.

He shook his head. "I-It's nothing. I guess I'm just worrying for nothing," he muttered as he turned his gazed to the black-haired girl walking up to us.

"Just two?" She asked.

I looked over at her and nodded as my mouth formed a thin line. Shit, it's Wendy Testaburger, one of the few people Cartman talked to. Then again, she had seen - along with her boyfriend, Tolkien - a few occasions when Cartman had screamed and hit me for something stupid. I was sure she'd understand if she caught wind of what was going on with me and Butters.

"Kenny?" Wendy blinked at me and suddenly her eyes shot down to me and Butters' linked hands for a moment and then back at my face. "So, um, would you like a booth near the back?"

Butters nodded. "That'd be great."

"Okay," she grabbed two menus and began walking towards the back, "follow me."

Reluctantly, I followed Wendy and Butters to a booth in the back of the restaurant, not releasing my blonde angel's hand. Something was strange. She clearly saw me and Butters holding hands, but she wasn't saying anything about it. If anything, she seemed perfectly okay with it.

"Is this okay?" She gestured to the booth.

"Yeah, it's fine," I said with a nod.

She laid the menus down on the table, saying that our server would be with us soon when we sat. Before she left though, she leaned down to be eye level with me. "You picked a bad day to come here with your boyfriend, there. Cartman comes here for lunch on Saturdays."

I narrowed my eyes. Shit. "Really?"

Wendy nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh hamburgers," Butters muttered as he bumped his fists together. "M-Maybe we should just go back home."

I sighed and rubbed my temples. Just perfect! The one day I thought I could be a good boyfriend to Butters and take him on an actual date…! "Wendy," I looked at her through serious eyes - I'd be damned if the date would be cut short, "can you keep Cartman away from us if he comes in while we're still here?"

She nodded and smiled. "I actually put you in the one place he won't be able to see you. Don't worry about a thing." She straightened and turned back to go to the lectern at the door.

I turned my attention back to Butters, who seemed really scared. I reached across the table and grabbed one his hands reassuringly. "It's okay. You don't have to be afraid."

"B-But Ken, you heard what she said." He gripped onto my hand. "We really should j-just go home."

"Do you really want that?" As much as I'd hate to just leave because of Cartman, if Butters really was scared that he'd find out, then I saw no problem in leaving. We could just eat something at his house if we had to, though I would still like to treat him to a lunch.

"Um," he cast his eyes to the side, "only i-if it's okay with you."

I sighed and brought his arm across the table so that I could kiss the top of his hand. "Do **you** want to leave?"

He bent his head over and still wouldn't meet my eyes, as if he were almost…ashamed that we walked over here just to leave out of fear. "Well, uh, yeah…"

I made a face for a brief moment but then just let go of his hand so we could stand up. "Alright then." I stood up and held out my hand for him to take. "Let's go back to your house then. We can just find something to eat there."

He nodded and grabbed my hand, following me closely as I wound our way back to the entrance. Halfway there, the door opened to Cartman's fat ass in khakis and his usual red down jacket. Oh shit, this was bad! Without thinking, I turned and grabbed Butters before diving behind the nearest booth seat. What now?

"What is it?" He asked.

I covered his mouth with my hand and whispered, "Cartman's here."

His eyes widened and he buried his face into my parka, shaking again. I couldn't really blame him, having Cartman right there was enough to make me shake too. I held Butters tight to me as Cartman, led by Wendy, sat down at a booth only two beyond where we were hiding.

As she turned to go back to the lectern, she saw us both. Quickly, she helped us off of the floor and ushered us outside. Without a single word, she turned back into the restaurant.

I let out a breath of relief and looked at Butters again. "Let's go."

He nodded and grabbed onto my hand as we walked back in the direction we had come from only a few minutes ago. "I-I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's not a big deal. Actually, if we hadn't left, Cartman might've seen us."

"Yeah…"

I glanced over at him, he really seemed sad suddenly. "Are you okay?" I wanted to ask him about the anti-depressants then, just thinking that maybe he'd need one when we got back to his house.

"I didn't mean to ruin our date, I-I really didn't."

I stopped him. "Look, Butters, it's alright, believe me. It's my fault anyway," I scratched the back of my head, "I shouldn't have tried to push it." He still looked sad, like he was about to cry. I turned his head, resting my hand on the back of his head. "Babe, don't cry."

He sniffed and looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "O-Okay…"

Damn, he just looked so sad. I bent my head over and gave him a quick, chaste kiss. When our lips parted, he smiled up at me. I smiled back and picked him up bridal style as I continued walking towards his house. "Come on, I'll make us something to eat."


	6. Murderer

_**A/N:**__ Sorry this took so long to post, but I got caught up with the Stenny fanfic, _Beauty and the Beast_. But now that it's complete, I am turning my attention back to this story. ^.^ Also, I got distracted with some drawings for my book series._

…

It was very near noon on Sunday when there was a knock at the door, I was cuddling on the couch with Butters watching _Futurama_. Reluctantly, I let Butters out of my arms to answer the door.

Yesterday, after we were almost caught by Cartman, I finally asked Butters about the anti-depressants, (only because he went upstairs while I was cooking us something to eat and came back down a bit later seeming a little happier). He told me that he began taking them freshman year as a way to cope better with the fact that he'd been viciously gang raped. Plus he saw a therapist twice a month, telling me that he was almost sent to an institution for the nightmares and screaming because his therapist was tired of dealing with mentally scarred teenagers. I'd almost snapped at those words. It was all because of Cartman, the fatass needed to die!

"Well, hi Kyle," Butters said happily.

I stood up and walked over to the door and wrapped one arm around Butters' shoulders. "Hey."

Kyle gestured with his thumb back at the jet black Grand Am parked at the curb in front of Butters' house. Damn, that meant it was time to go. "We need to get back before Cartman gets home. Craig said that he was pretty mad that you 'came with me to Denver.'"

I sighed. I really didn't wanna go back just yet, I wanted to stay here with Butters, but I had to go. I turned to Butters with a sad smile and rested my hands on his shoulders. "I guess I'll see you soon, babe. Okay?"

Butters smiled at me and gentle touched his lips to my own with his fingertips brushing my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, drawing him close to me as I intensified the kiss. As I felt the same electric pulse as always course through me, I wished that the moment would never end. And feeling Butters grip onto my parka told me that he didn't want it to end either.

Unfortunately, it had to. I disconnected our lips reluctantly and rested my forehead against Butters'. "I love you."

"I love you too," he muttered, clinging to my parka tight. He really didn't want me to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Of course." I smiled and kissed his forehead chastely. "I'll see you then."

With hesitance, I followed Kyle out to the Grand Am and climbed into the passenger's seat of the car. I looked to the front door of the Stotch house and saw Butters gazing at me longingly. I hated leaving him to go back to Cartman, but I had to…just to keep him safe.

I turned my head forward as Kyle drove off towards the apartment. I let out a breath and began hoping that Cartman hadn't seen me and Butters at the restaurant yesterday. If he had, I was sure that he would've done something today. He didn't see us, he couldn't have seen us.

"Kyle," I muttered, "do you know if Cartman found out about me and Butters?"

Kyle glanced over at me for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. "No. But…why would he know?"

"…I took Butters out yesterday to try a date, but…Cartman walked in."

"What? Why would you even risk that? Cartman rapes and beats you to begin with, I can't even imagine what he'd do if he found out about you and Butters."

"I…I don't think he saw us, and we left before he could get the chance, but I'm just afraid."

"Afraid?" Kyle seemed concerned. I never told him or Clyde of my fears regarding Cartman hurting Butters, but I always thought that it was just a given. "Of what?"

"Cartman hurting Butters."

From the corner of my eye, I could see him nodding. "I can see that." He turned into the parking lot of the apartments. Cartman's car was gone, he was at work. Thank God! "Just out of curiosity, if you were concerned about it, then why did you try to take Butters out on a date?"

My mouth formed a thin line. I could tell him the reason: that I didn't want to feel that I wasn't being a good boyfriend to the man I cherished anymore. "I don't know…" But I couldn't. He would just question me, and I didn't need or want that.

He sighed as we climbed out of the car. "Just be careful dude, you don't want Cartman to find out."

"I know…"

We walked quietly into the apartment. Clyde was sitting at the table looking like he was about to explode, so I retreated back to me and Cartman's room. One of the few times I would use the room as a retreat was when Clyde and Kyle fought. Their fights weren't too intense - at least compared to me and Cartman's fights - but they could get very loud. It could get annoying, but I also hated being around couples when they fought, it just reminded me of what was waiting for me when Cartman returned.

I sat down on the edge of our bed and sighed, placing my head between my legs when I felt sick. I couldn't believe I was willingly sitting on the bed. I should've just sat on the floor, I know, but it was so uncomfortable that I'd rather sit on the damned bed. I groaned when I felt bile rising in the back of my throat and grabbed the small black plastic wastebasket next to the bed, (I actually kept it there for when I felt sick). A few moments later I was puking up everything I'd eaten since dinner last night. It wasn't anything unusual, I almost always puked when I even so much as touched the bed. Stepping into the room brought on the nausea. It was just because of what happened here, the same had occurred when I stepped into the room he had back at his mother's house.

I coughed and spit the last of the puke into the wastebasket and groaned. I hated when I puked but I had to admit that I felt a bit better now that I had, though the nausea was still there.

I stood up when I heard the shower start running and look out of the door in time to see Clyde's back as he left the apartment. I walked out of my and Cartman's room and looked at the top of the TV, finding Clyde's sunglasses gone. He'd gone to the sex shop again, he took his sunglasses as a way to "disguise" himself from the people around the area. It never worked, but Kyle and me had so much fun watching him fail at disguising himself that we never felt like telling him.

I looked at the clock on the wall next to the door. I still had a few hours before Cartman's shift ended, I guess I should take a shower too. I walked over to the bathroom door and slipped in quietly, knowing that the shower would cover any noise I made. Me and Kyle had taken plenty of showers together, only once did we actually fuck - he was drunk and coming on to me, I wasn't going to ignore it - and he didn't even remember it. Mostly we showered together just to have a conversation no one else could hear, though I'd be lying if I said that I still didn't notice his beautiful, pale body.

I was already naked by the time he was reaching for his shampoo. Just to scare him a little, I reached out and gripped tightly onto his wrist. He stiffened beneath my hand and I, so he wouldn't completely freak out, pulled the shower curtain back with my other hand and smiled. "Hey, move over, I need a shower before Cartman gets home."

Kyle let out a sigh of relief and moved over when I released his wrist so that I could get in. "Where's Clyde?" Oh yeah, Clyde hated when we showered together - I had a hunch that he knew we fucked and just wasn't saying anything.

I shrugged. "He went into town for something. His sunglasses were gone, so he probably went to the sex shop."

Kyle's face turned bright red. He was always embarrassed for Clyde when he used his "disguise," but that didn't mean he wasn't entertained. "Great…"

A thought occurred to me then, a promise I remembered overhearing a few months ago. "I thought you guys agreed on no sex until your wedding night…?" I grabbed the Axe shampoo from Kyle's hand and used it. The shampoo I used was behind him and I didn't feel like getting that close to him, things could spiral out of control if I did.

"We did agree on that, but," he sighed leaned his head back to rinse the shampoo out of his hair, "after that whole thing where I fell asleep at Stan's, he really seems to want sex. I don't understand why either."

"Did he give you a reason?" It seemed really odd for Clyde to just break a promise he made the moment he suspected something.

He shrugged. "Not really. I think he thinks I slept with Stan."

"…Well, did you?" I was only joking, I knew Kyle would never–

"Uh," his eyes met mine for a moment and then he looked at the shower curtain, "well…maybe?"

My eyes widened in shock and I felt my mouth begin to drop open. No way! He really did sleep with Stan, he was unfaithful to Clyde! (Yeah, I'm one to talk, but I just never imagined Kyle actually cheating on Clyde.) "Wait, you really had sex with Stan?"

"Well, what's it matter to you?" He crossed his arms over his chest defiantly. "You're cheating on Cartman with Butters."

As true as that was, my infidelity was more justified than his. "Yes, but Cartman's an asshole. Clyde hasn't been anything but nice to you. Hell, he's willing to tell you he loves you in front of others, instead of being embarrassed to even look at you when someone's around. You're lucky to have him, Kyle."

"I know, but when I was with Stan…alone…it just…" I saw his shoulders slump with guilt. I probably wasn't making him feel better by pointing out how good Clyde was to him. "I felt so happy. I couldn't control myself, and I trusted Stan to take control of the situation if it got out of hand. We both just…"

"Couldn't control yourselves?" I sighed; I knew how it felt to just lose control around someone I wanted, but it never bothered me like it was Kyle. "If you want to be with Clyde, you need to learn to control that urge around Stan."

"But that's it Kenny," his tone was desperate, like he really wasn't sure if he could control himself, "Stan made me realize that I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I want to marry Clyde still."

"You need to tell him that then. You owe him that much if you're going to continue hanging around Stan."

"I…I know, but how could I tell him that I'm not sure that I love him anymore because I think I might love Stan?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Well, maybe not specify the reason why when you tell him." I lathered up a rag with the bar of soap and he turned away. The only time he had ever watched me wash off was when we had fucked, but after the whole hour or so we had spent together, it seemed pointless to be embarrassed over washing off.

"I don't intend to, but… Could you possibly help me?"

"How?" I stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel underneath the sink. "You can look now."

He sighed. "I was hoping you knew how to help."

"Sorry, I don't." I rested the towel around my shoulders and grabbed a pair of red-orange sweatpants from under the sink as well, slipping into them quickly. "Besides, this isn't something I can really give you advice on."

"Why not?"

I chuckled dryly, he really had to ask that? "Look at my relationship. The way things are going, the only way I'm going to be free of this hell is if someone kills Cartman."

"Yeah…" A moment later, the shower was cut off and Kyle stepped out, grabbing the towel he had set aside when he did. "Kenny, I have an idea of how to get rid of Cartman!"

My eyes widened in anticipation and I grabbed onto his shoulders, about to shake him if he didn't tell me. "What?"

Before he could tell me, the bathroom door swung open to Cartman's huge ass clad in a pair of khakis and a white button-up shirt. I released Kyle's shoulders immediately, it was bad enough that he was standing there naked while I still didn't have a shirt on, and our hair was still dripping wet from the shower. I could just see from the rage building in Cartman's eyes that he thought we'd fucked again - he didn't know about the first time, seeing as it had happened only a few years ago.

"What the fuck is going on here?" He demanded.

"We were talking," I said coolly. I figured if I just kept my voice even, he'd simmer down.

"Bullshit! You two fucked, didn't you?" He accused.

"No," Kyle defended quickly.

I could feel my anger rise to the surface again. Sometimes Cartman just asked to be clobbered. "Why would you even say that? He's my best friend, nothing more. I would never fuck him," I lied. If I was given the opportunity again, I'd ravage Kyle, but I definitely couldn't say that. I looked back at my friend. "No offense or anything."

"None taken." Kyle was drying off his hair. Sometime during me and Cartman's exchange, he'd gotten into a pair of sweatpants.

I looked back over at Cartman. "Anyway, fat ass, why are you back already? I thought you still worked for a few hours."

"I requested an earlier shift so that I could plan something," he said smoothly.

As he turned around to walk into the living room, I followed him with my brow furrowed. Nothing good ever happened when he planned something. "What're you planning?" He didn't answer me, just continued towards our room. "Cartman!" He slammed the door shut behind him but I still followed him into the room - not my best idea but I needed to know. "What the hell are you planning?"

The door slammed shut behind me and the next thing I knew, the same chicken wire used to bind my wrists and ankles when I was being raped was being wrapped my neck. The towel fell off of my shoulders and tried to grab onto the chicken wire to pull it from my neck, but my hands only became coated in my own blood. What was this? Why was he trying to kill me?

"I know where you really were," Cartman hissed into my ear. "You were with that faggot Butters." He pulled the chicken wire tighter around my throat, my vision was going black, I was going to die. "Weren't you, you fucking whore?"

"He," I choked out, "He's still…my friend."

More accusations poured from Cartman's mouth, but I didn't hear one of them as my breathing stopped and my vision faded to black. The last coherent thing I remembered thinking was, _Now he's killed me, he's a fucking murderer._


	7. Proposition to Piss Off Cartman: Accept

"Ugh," I groaned and cracked my neck as I woke up in World History, my eighth hour class. My MP3 Player was softly playing the very end of Disturbed's _"Divide" _into my right earand I turned it up as I left the classroom.

I woke up this morning with a thin bright red scar gracing my throat. It was easy to cover; I just put on a bright orange turtleneck under my parka to hide it until it faded a bit. Cartman was already gone by the time I woke up, and I had been an hour late for school. I almost just didn't come, but I figured Kyle and Clyde would be concerned if I didn't show. So, I walked the few miles to school in the snow this morning, managing to get here just as fourth hour ended and fifth hour, my lunch, began. No one seemed surprised that I was late - it's become a normal thing lately, it seemed I could never make it to school in time for first hour to start.

As I reached my locker for my Pre-Algebra textbook so I could do the homework I had tonight, _"Façade" _- also by Disturbed - began playing in my ear. Hearing the song made me hang my head sorrowfully. I was reminded that no one was fooled by the face I put on daily, everyone knew I hated being with Cartman, but I still pretended at school mostly to keep people from asking me questions. (I still got a few every now and again, but it was nice to just keep the majority of people off my back.)

"Kenny," Clyde skidded to a stop beside me and bent over, his hands on his knees to catch his breath, "have you seen Kyle?"

"Uh," I thought for a moment, "I haven't seen him since lunch. Why?"

"He wasn't in Psych," his eyes narrowed, the anger there was enough to tell me that something that he was hoping wouldn't happen was probably happening, "and it's not like him to skip class."

I shrugged though I knew my obvious loss at the whereabouts of his fiancé wasn't what Clyde wanted to hear or know. "I don't know what to tell you, I haven't seen him. Are you sure he didn't get sick and just go home?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "He was fine when I saw him before seventh… Cartman!" He looked over my boyfriend with obvious hope that at least he knew where his fiancé had run off to. "Have you seen Kyle?"

"Nope," Cartman said simply as he took his Biology book from my locker. He was in his usual jackass mood - that much was obvious from the tone of his voice. I couldn't help but wonder why he was angry, he'd been that way ever since lunch, the only hour all of us had together.

"Well, can you help us ask around?" Clyde seemed two things at the moment: worried about Kyle and angry at Cartman - neither was weird, actually both were quite normal for Clyde to show.

Quickly, I had to step out of the way to avoid getting hit by my locker door as Cartman slammed it shut and said, "I have to go to work." He turned and left for the parking lot.

Clyde sighed and looked at me. "Seriously, I'll throw him out the moment you say it's okay."

Even though I wanted to tell him to go for it and kick Cartman's fat ass out so that I could just have Butters move in with us, I shook my head with a smile on my face. "No, you don't have to. I'll figure something out."

"_Your façade can't disguise the fact that you're in misery."_

I tore the headphone ear bud out of my ear and clicked the "off" button for my MP3 Player. That was just bad timing for that line to play. "Well, Kyle and Butters normally hang out before eighth hour, maybe he knows something."

"You're right!" Clyde grabbed onto my wrist not knowing that the cuts from the chicken wire the other day still hurt like hell, and began pulling me in the direction of the music department. "To the band hall!"

We walked quickly to the band hall and I could only hope that Butters knew where Kyle was. If he didn't then I had no idea what would happen, or how Clyde would react. All I knew was that it couldn't be good. When we entered, Butters was talking with Tweek as they were putting up their instruments. There was a concert tonight so practice must've ended early so that everyone could go home, change, and eat before the concert started.

"Butters," Clyde ran over to him after finally released my pain filled wrist, "I have a question."

Holding my wrist, I moved to follow him, but a hand landed on my shoulder. I whipped around to find the band teacher, the old third grade teacher, Mr. Garrison standing there. "Oh, hey Garrison."

"Hey Kenny. Have you thought about singing for our intermission tonight?" He asked hopefully. He must've already planned out everything, including the intermission when the full band is traded out for just the string instruments.

Two months ago, when planning for the concert was first beginning, Garrison approached me after I had jokingly belted out AC/DC's _"Highway to Hell" _during lunch and asked me to sing for the usual intermission. Since Cartman was there, and obviously hated any extra time I spent with Butters regardless of the fact that we wouldn't be paying each other much attention, I had told him I'd think about it. Cartman absolutely forbade me from singing for it **because **Butters always played for the intermission song, so I had been considering doing it just to piss him off, but at the same time I wasn't sure if I really wanted to worry about him lashing out when I got home.

I shouldn't think about my answer, just say the first thing that I wanted to. "Yeah, I'll sing. What's the song?"

"Wonderful!" He looked relieved, (my guess that everything had already been planned out for tonight must've been right). "Do you know the song _'Broken Pieces_?_'_"

"Depends…who sings it?"

"Apocalyptica."

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I know it."

"By heart?"

I shrugged. "Not by heart, but it's on my MP3 Player. I'll just listen to it over and over, and I'll have it memorized before the concert."

"Great! The intermission will be right after the full band plays _'Bella's Lullaby_._'_ I'll need you ready before the song ends."

"Okay then." When he turned and left, I walked over to where Butters was trying to calm down Clyde, who looked more pissed off than before, as I set my MP3 Player to _"Broken Pieces" _and hit the repeat button. He must not have known where Kyle was either. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Butters doesn't know where Kyle is either…?"

"No," Clyde kicked a locked instrument locker, causing the silver lock to bounce and bang against the thin metal bars of the locker, "he doesn't."

"Hey," Garrison yelled from across the band hall, "don't kick the lockers!"

Butters bumped his fists together and said, "I-I'm sorry. He went to the bathroom before class and I didn't w-wanna be late, so I left him behind."

I pulled Clyde away from the lockers before he could kick them again. "So, it's possible he got sick from the lunch today - the chili he got isn't exactly edible - and just went home."

He took a breath as me and Butters watched on, trying to determine if he was going to go for the obvious and accept that Kyle went home sick or not. "That **is** possible, but I wanna check around just to make sure he didn't get kidnapped or have some kind of meltdown and run off."

"Meltdown?" I raised an eyebrow. Ever since I knew him, Kyle had only had two meltdowns: one in the fourth grade when Cartman opened Cartmanland for that short amount of time, and another freshman year when he came out of the closet to his mother. But then again, from what he told me about what happened with Stan, it wouldn't be so odd to think that he had a meltdown. Dammit.

Clyde nodded his head once. "He's been stressed the past few weeks planning the wedding. Maybe it just got to him."

Or it could be that he slept with Stan, or that you raped him with a goddamn vibrator - Cartman told me that when Clyde and Kyle went to get their lunch, I couldn't help but feel a bit of anger at Clyde for it and feel just awful for Kyle. "Could have." I grabbed Butters' hand and followed Clyde out of the metal door of the band hall leading out to the parking lot.

I climbed into the backseat of the jet black Grand Am with Butters when Clyde unlocked the doors of the car. As the car pulled away from the parking lot of the high school, I unbuckled Butters' seatbelt and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into me. I knew Clyde wasn't paying any attention, and if he was, I was sure he didn't care. He hated Cartman almost as much as Kyle did, if anything he'd think it was fitting that I was slowly destroying Cartman without his knowledge.

Over the course of a few hours, we checked Stark's Pond - including in the pond to make sure he didn't take a swim - his parents' house, Wal-Mart and K-Mart - he had a tendency to buy stuff when he was in a weird mood - and finally City Wok. The manager, Liu Kim's son, said Kyle had been there earlier with some black-haired guy.

I hit my forehead with the heel of my hand. Unless he changed his hair color, that meant that Stan was here and Kyle had skipped class to hang out with him. If that was true then Clyde was going to freak out when we finally caught up to them. Then the first thing that crossed my mind was that they were alone and that Kyle already said they couldn't control themselves around each other. Godammit! There was no way today was going to end well…

As Clyde quickly sped the Grand Am the short distance between City Wok and the apartments, my mind raced with possibilities of what we could walk into. In those few moments I really began to wish that Kyle hadn't told me what had happened between them, it just made me feel horrible for keeping it secret from Clyde.


	8. Broken Pieces

Butters and I tried to keep up with Clyde as he ran for the door of the apartment. But as urgent as his walk had been at first, he walked calmly into the apartment with both of us following behind him. Stan - in a white t-shirt and blue jeans - and Kyle were sitting on the couch watching Family Guy like nothing had happened between them, they weren't even holding hands. Maybe I'd been freaking out for nothing.

Both of them turned to look at the three of us as Clyde said with some anger lacing his voice, "This is where you've been? Do you know how worried I was?" It seemed he wasn't even going to mention the fact that we looked all over town for him.

Kyle chuckled innocently, like he did when we were children. "Sorry, he kind of surprised me."

Stan looked at Clyde and waved shortly. "Hey Clyde."

Before Clyde could say anything, I jumped over the back of the couch excitedly and gave Stan a crushing hug. "Stan, you're back!"

"Hey there Stan," Butters said with a small smile gracing his features.

Stan shoved me off of him and gasped for breath. I'm not that heavy, am I? "Hey." He looked around. "Where's Cartman?"

"He had to go to work for a little while," I smiled widely, "so I decided to bring Butters over." I took a few quick steps over to Butters and wrapped my arms tight around his waist. "He's only been over here once after all." And that had been before we moved in, when I decided to check out apartments to move into with just him. That worked out well…

He wrapped one of his arms around my neck and smiled softly at me. "Well, it's only because Eric doesn't like me…"

"I don't why," I nuzzled into his soft neck, "you're so adorable."

He chuckled and tightened his arm just slightly around my neck. He wanted more.

"What time is that band concert again?" Clyde's voice suddenly said, as if he as trying to break up the moment we were having.

I moved my hand down to the button of Butters' pants as he breathed out, "Five."

"We have a half-hour," this time Stan's voice was obviously trying to break up our moment, "so you two might not want to get it on."

I sighed quietly and released Butters reluctantly, looking over at the three on the couch in time to hear Kyle ask, "What took you guys so long to get here?"

Clyde's eyes narrowed and he took a quick drink of the Coke in his hand. "We were out looking for you, babe." Oh, he did not sound happy…!

Kyle chuckled. "Oops, sorry." I couldn't tell if he was covering up something by saying sorry or just completely innocent of anything…I could only hope it was the ladder.

"It's actually my fault," Stan piped up. That probably wasn't a good idea. I could tell Clyde wasn't happy about Kyle skipping eighth hour and Stan admitting it was his fault was only going to make him angrier.

He threw a glare at Stan. "Damn right it's your fault." Oh hell.

Stan muttered something I couldn't pick up; Clyde demanded to know what he said but before he could respond, Kyle quickly said, "Well, why don't we get ready to go?" He looked over at me and Butters. "I'm sure both of you have to be there early."

In order to keep the conversation in the better direction it was going, I nodded and replied, "Butters has to, but since I'm only doing one thing, I can sit with you guys until then." It would be better that way anyway; Cartman was getting off early and was going to the band concert to be sure that I didn't do anything against him.

"Okay," Kyle darted to his feet, probably to show that he was ready to go, "then we should probably go."

"W-Wait," Butters reached into his messenger's bag and pulled out a black short-sleeved button up shirt and a pair of black pants, "I have to change." He stepped into the bathroom - I halfway considered following him but figured I shouldn't. When he came back out, he was dressed up; his hair was combed back, and his smelled like my cheap cologne.

I smiled and pecked him on the lips. "You look beautiful."

I walked back into my room real quick and grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans after exchanging the turtleneck I wore today for a white tank top. As all of us walked for the Grand Am, I zipped up my parka and grabbed onto Butters' hand. All I could hope was that tonight went well.

…

After I hugged and kissed him goodbye for the moment, Butters walked to the band hall with my skinny jeans under his arm. I watched him as he walked off, dreading the fact that I had to be next to Cartman for even the short amount of time I'd have to be before being able to be next to him again.

Said fat ass appeared ten minutes later and just said hi to Stan like he really didn't give a rat's ass about the fact that our friend was here after being gone for so long. We walked into the PAC where the concert was going to be and sat down at the last available seats near the back.

The lights went down as soon as we sat down and the curtain opened on stage to show the full band and Garrison. Stan asked why Garrison was the band director, which Kyle quickly answered, explaining about the incident with NAMBLA that happened in the fourth grade that caused Garrison to be fired from South Park Elementary.

"Shh," I said with a bit of a smile on my face, "it's starting."

Suddenly, the PAC was filled with the sound of _"The Phantom of the Opera_,_" _then _"Beauty and the Beast_,_"_ and then finally _"Bella's Lullaby"_ began. As the songs were playing, I couldn't help but keep my eyes on the serene looking blonde playing his cello beautifully. It was almost painful to get up and slip outside of the PAC without anyone noticing, (well at least I knew Cartman wasn't going to notice).

The band hall was empty when I stepped inside, so I just changed my pants next to where Butters had left his cello case. As I dropped my parka next to my sweatpants, the metal door swung open and Tweek - in a wrongly button white collar shirt and black pants - walked over to me.

"Gah!" Tweek's head twitched to side and he pulled on the collar of his shirt. "G-Get to the s-s-stage."

I nodded once sharply. "Okay."

"Hey," he called after me as I walked for the door leading to the stage hall, "w-what happened to your n-neck?"

My eyes narrowed as I pushed past the door into the hallway in time to see Butters sitting down in his seat behind where Garrison was setting a microphone and next to where Wendy was sitting. No one, not even Butters, needed to know about why the scar was on my neck. It was just another scar.

"Kenny," Garrison waved me over and I stood in front of the microphone so he could adjust it, "did you memorize the song like you said you would?"

"Of course." I nodded.

"Good." I heard a small gasp when I felt his eyes fall to my neck. Great. "What happened to your neck?"

"It's nothing." I saw someone on the side of the stage getting ready to pull the rope to open the stage curtains. "You might wanna get back off the stage."

Garrison turned and walked over where he wouldn't be seen as the curtain opened, though I could still feel his eyes on the scar on my neck. I was going to be hearing about it later. The first few notes of the song were plucked by one of the cellos behind me and the spotlights shone over the entire stage.

"_Too late – this is not the answer_

_I need to pack it in_

_I can't put your heart together with just my voice alone_

_One thousand shards of glass I came to meet you in_

_You cut the peace out of me_

_And as you ripped it all apart_

_That's when I turned to watch you_

_And as the light on you went dark_

_I saw you turn to shadow"_

I quickly found the outline of Cartman's head next to Kyle, Clyde, and Stan, and glared at him. I could feel the bastard's hateful glare for singing the intermission but I didn't care.

"_If you would salvage some part of you that once knew love_

_But I'm losing this"_

I took my eyes off of Cartman and turned to rest my eyes on Butters, knowing full well that Cartman could see us both. I was just so tired of hiding, though I could just pass it off as what he was told to do.

"_And I'm losing you_

_Oh I've gotta turn and run_

_From faces that you never see_

_Oh I've gotta save my blood_

_From all that you've broken_

_And pack up these pieces of me…_

_It's too late now to stop the process_

_This was your choice – you let it in_

_This double life you lead is eating you up from within"_

I wasn't sure why, but in that moment my heart skipped a painful beat. I didn't feel bad for hurting Cartman, but maybe it was Butters. He couldn't have been happy knowing that I had to go back to Cartman, to be beaten and raped to protect him. (I never actually told him straight up that was **why** I allowed Cartman to do what he did, but I was sure he knew.)

I lifted my arms into the air for a moment to show everyone the scars running up and down my arms Cartman had inflicted.

"_A thousand shards of glass you pushed beneath my skin_

_And left me lying there to bleed_

_And as you showed me your scars_

_I only held you closer_

_And as the light on you went dark, I saw you turn over_

_I wanted always to be there for you and close to you_

_But I'm losing this"_

I looked back at Butters again.

"_And I'm losing you_

_Oh I've gotta turn and run_

_From faces that you never see_

_Oh I've gotta save my blood_

_From all that you've broken_

_And pack up these pieces–_

_Maybe without me_

_You'll return to all the beauty I once knew_

_But I can't stay to see how the sight of me brings that madness back to you…"_

Behind me, two cellos played the soli beautifully.

"_Oh I've gotta turn and run_

_From faces that you never see_

_Oh I've gotta save my blood_

_From all that you've broken_

_And pack up these pieces of me_

Wendy: _(These broken pieces!)_

_And pack up these pieces of me_

Wendy: _(These broken pieces!)_

_Pack up these pieces of me…"_

I looked back at Butters as he played the final chord of the song and the curtains swung closed. Once the chord ended and people began clapping, I grabbed Butters' hand and pulled him towards the now emptying band hall before Garrison could ask me about the scar on my neck again.

We entered as the last person in the band hall scraped past us to get to the stage and went over to where I had left my parka and sweatpants. I turned him to me and wrapped my arms tightly around his shoulders, pulling him into my chest.

"Ken," Butters gently pushed himself from my arms and looked at the scar on my neck, "w-what happened?"

"It's nothing." I grabbed his wrist as he tried to touch the scar on my neck and brought our lips together roughly.

"B-But Ken," he breathed out as I disconnected our lips long enough to push him against the instrument lockers, "what happened–"

"Stop asking," I moved to unbutton his shirt and kissed him again, "it's not important."

He moaned and wrapped one leg around my waist in response. I held him against the lockers with the fingers of my hands splayed across his chest. Our tongues danced around each other, fighting for dominance in each other's mouths. I could feel him running his hands up the front of my tank top, his fingers brushing every bump, scar, and crevice from my stomach to my collarbone. My body was flushed with heat at the contact, and I couldn't wait to get him to his house again so that I could just ravage him and make his beautiful voice scream in pleasure.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" Oh shit! We looked over at the band hall door leading to the outside to see Stan and Kyle restraining an enraged Cartman from charging towards me and Butters.

Clyde slipped past the three in the doorway and pushed me and Butters out of the door leading to the stage hall. When we were out in the hall and the door shut behind us, I gathered Butters into my arms and held onto him tight. I knew today was going to end bad, I just didn't realize which relationship was going to be exposed and which of the cheated men would be looking for blood.


	9. I Will Protect You

Glaring out of the window, my eyes swept the darkened street in front of the Stotch house to make sure Cartman didn't walk up to the house when we weren't paying attention. There was no way I was going to let him near here, though I didn't exactly have a plan for if he did. And aside from that, the sun had already set; I couldn't see anything beyond the middle of the driveway. (Both of Butters' parents were gone though his father's truck sat in the driveway, they were in Florida for their second honeymoon.)

After Cartman had walked in on me and Butters making out in the band hall, we immediately left - it was only later that we even thought to consider the fact that the concert hadn't been over when we left, but neither of us really cared. Ever since, we'd been hanging out in the living room of Butters' house, me stationed next to the window and him sitting on the couch with his knees pulled up to his chest. The TV was off though the radio was set to the rock station - Aerosmith's _"Dude (Looks Like a Lady)"_ was playing softly but I wasn't paying it too much attention, and my guess was that Butters wasn't either.

The utter silence between us was so heavy that I was getting physically tired from it. Part of me wanted to sleep, but it wasn't enough to lead me away from the window to the couch or a bed. I wasn't sure if Butters had fallen asleep yet, but he wasn't talking - he was either in thought or sleeping, either way though, we weren't talking like we normally did when something bad happened. But what were we supposed to say when the life we tried so hard to hide just revealed itself as suddenly as the heartbeat of a terminally ill patient stops…? (Wow, that was really deep for me to think, maybe I should try a little harder in third hour English…)

Finally forcing my eyes away from the front yard, I looked over at the back of Butters' head in time to see him turn his head and look at the small gray radio sitting on a table next to the TV. I couldn't tell if he was considering turning it off or not, but I hoped he wouldn't. The classic rock music was the only thing preventing the living room from being filled with complete and total silence.

"K…Ken?" Butters' voice sounded almost shy, like he was afraid to talk to me.

"Yeah?" I turned my eyes back outside. Vacantly I wondered what time it was.

"I'm sorry…about what happened w-with Eric." I looked back over at him with eyes widened. He blamed himself for what happened in the band hall? But…it wasn't his fault. "I j-just don't want you to hate–"

"It's not your fault!" I walked over behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders comfortingly, my head resting on his shoulder - Cartman wasn't coming, and I knew he would've already come if he wanted us dead tonight. "And I could never hate you. Why would you even think that?"

"W-Well," he bumped his fists together, "I know how hard you were trying to keep us a secret from Eric…I can't h-help but think that it's my fault."

I grabbed onto his wrists and brought them across his chest in an X, holding him tight like that. "You're right; I was trying to keep it secret, but only to protect you." I pecked him on the cheek. "I'm worried about Cartman coming back and hurting you, but I'm very happy to finally not have to hide anymore." I smiled and leaned the side of my head against his head. "Aren't you?"

"I…I guess." I moved so that I was straddling his now outstretched legs and leaned down to be looking hard into his eyes, my hands bracing myself on either side of him arm rest he was leaning against. "Kenny?"

"Are you not happy?" If he said he wasn't happy I wouldn't be angry, I'd just be saddened. I strove to make him happy while keeping him safe, it wasn't easy and I had hoped I had succeeded.

"Of course I am." He gripped onto the neck of my white t-shirt - I had changed into a t-shirt and my sweatpants with my parka unzipped after Stan and Kyle had drug Cartman away - and rested his forehead in the crook of my neck. "I'm j-just scared."

I rested one hand on the back of his head and held him there as I closed my eyes. I couldn't blame him for being scared; the thought of Cartman coming here to hurt us was terrifying. "I am too. But," I looked him in the face and smiled, softly brushing the tears falling down his cheeks away when I saw them, "I promise nothing will happen to you. I'll protect you."

"Kenny…" Butters gave me a quick chaste kiss, still holding onto the neck of my t-shirt.

Using the hand still resting on the back of his head, I held him there, holding out the kiss. Slowly Butters opened his mouth and allowed my tongue access. As my tongue explored his mouth, I leaned him back and rested his head against my forearm gently. Instead of rushing things like usual, we both slowly kneading our lips together and lightly moaned as our lips parted for gasps of air. The hand that had been resting on the back of his head moved down to rest on his lower back, gently forcing our hips together. Butters' arms moved to wrap around my torso and held steady, locking us into that position as our lips continued their sensual dance.

I moved to unbutton his collared shirt he had worn to the concert but the room was suddenly filled with the sound of breaking glass as a rock came flying through the window I had just been standing by. "Fuck!" Without a thought otherwise, I pulled Butters - now shaking - off of the couch and pushed him into the kitchen. I grabbed the dirty butcher's knife out of the sink and rushed to the front door.

I threw the door open in time to see the taillights of a car speeding off down the street. "Cowards! Get the hell back here and **face me**!" I stood there in the doorway until the taillights disappeared around a corner, when they did; I walked back into the house and slammed the door behind me.

Sighing, I stomped back into the kitchen and threw the butcher's knife back into the sink and leaned against it with my hands bracing e against the edge of the sink. So much for a quiet night of just making love with Butters. Even I hated to admit it, but that had to have been Cartman, I couldn't think of another person who would even consider doing something like this.

"K-Kenny?' Butters grabbed onto the sleeve of my parka, still trembling. "Wh-Who was that?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. They were driving off when I got out there."

"I see…" From the corner of my eye I could see him turn his head to look into the living room. "M-Maybe we should call the police."

"Uh," I absently scratched my cheek, "that probably wouldn't be a good idea." Cops had a tendency of hating me, mostly because throughout middle school I would constantly be in a courtroom for something. Prostitution, drug dealing, (which wasn't me), parole violation, prostitution again, underage drinking, and again prostitution, (yeah, I got in trouble for prostitution a lot in middle school). "Let's just clean up the glass and put some duct tape, or a sheet, or something over the window."

"Um, o-okay." He reached for the space between the counter and the kitchen wall and grabbed the broom and dust pan there. "Let's go c-clean it up then."

I nodded and followed him over to the glass and rock lying across the area of the floor in front of the window. Whoever had did this was going to pay for making Butters scared enough that he couldn't even hold the broom and dust pan steady, I'd make sure of it.


	10. I'm Sorry

"_Where did I go wrong?/I lost a friend/Somewhere along in the bitterness/And I would have stayed up with you all night had I'd known/How to save a life"_

~The Fray – _"How to Save a Life"_

…

I zipped up my parka and walked out the door of Butters' house with my eyes sweeping the area in front of the house. Now that it was morning, I could see the street ahead. I didn't see anyone hanging around, so I figured Butters would be okay for a little bit.

Cartman called late last night and asked if we could talk. I was still mad at the rock being thrown through the window and didn't want to talk to him, so I agreed to meet him in front of the high school this morning long enough to talk with him about officially ending our relationship - I was still mad, don't get me wrong, but I did need to talk to him. I figured I'd be back before Butters woke up so I didn't tell him about Cartman calling or about me going to the high school. Everything would be okay for a bit, I was sure of it.

I walked quickly down to the street and continued towards the high school, stopping only long enough when Tweek stepped out of his house and yelled for me to stop. "Hey Tweek. Isn't Craig picking you up?"

"Y-Yeah," he pulled on his wrongly buttoned gray jacket as he met me at the curb, "but I w-was wondering about the noise l-l-last night."

"Noise?" My eyes narrowed. Maybe Tweek had seen something I hadn't been able to.

"Yeah, i-it sounded like breaking g-g-glass."

"Did you go outside to see what it was?"

"Gah! N-No! What if s-someone had a-a **gun**?" Why should I have even asked? "I wasn't going o-outside!"

I sighed and scratched the back of my head. "Yeah… But no, I didn't hear anything," I lied. Tweek didn't need to know what happened last night.

With the best timing ever, Craig pulled his Mustang to a stop in the driveway of the Tweek house and gave me a glare - the convertible top of the Mustang was down because it was actually fairly warm today. "Tweek, come on!"

"O-Okay!" Tweek looked back at me. "You w-want a ride?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm good." I shrugged. "I'm not gonna be there for very long anyway."

"Okay then," he waved back at me as he walked over to the sports car, "b-bye."

"See ya." I watched as they drove off towards the high school, the top of which I could see already, before continuing towards the building.

The closer I got to the school, the more a bad feeling rose from the pit of my stomach. I kept finding my mind traveling back to the conversation I had had on the phone with Cartman last night. His voice had been too calm, too even for someone who had just discovered about the affair I was having with Butters. That, added with the fact that he would threaten to kill me every time I even thought about leaving him was strange, though I believed I agreed to meet him because I wanted to ask him about the rock.

There was no doubt in my mind that he either did it or had something to do with it. It wouldn't be strange for him to lash out like that considering the way he reacted to the smallest things.

I stopped and sat down on a low brick wall in front of the front doors of the high school. Cartman wasn't there yet, but that wasn't unusual. He was only here early if it was for something important - figures he wouldn't consider us needing to have a conversation important. I ignored both the empathetic and accusing looks I got from the people passing, most of whom I didn't know outside of an extremely short physical relationship in middle school and the beginning of freshman year. News spread quickly in South Park High, and with it, rumors. I couldn't be sure what the people looking at me had heard, but judging from the looks, I could tell what they thought of me: a whore, a slut, a two-timing bitch, nothing I hadn't heard before about other people around the school. It wasn't like they'd give me a chance to explain my side of it anyway, the best thing to do would be to just ignore it all.

The bell rang for first hour to start and the students standing around filed slowly through the doors with a few people running in behind them. No teachers came outside to make sure everyone was inside today, but it was cold so I could see why they opted to stay inside.

After a while, I moved off of the brick wall and sat on the ground in front of it, leaning against the wall and staring up at the clear blue sky. Where the hell was Cartman? It shouldn't be taking him nearly an hour to meet me here! I wasn't about to believe that he went to class knowing he was able to take his rage out on me, there was no way he'd pass that up. Maybe he chickened out and stayed at the apartment, but if Clyde and Kyle were there, I was sure they'd urge him to come even if they had to drag him here themselves. Knowing that, the question arose again: Where the hell was he?

Once a little more time passed, I looked at the time on my cell phone. Almost ten. Son of a bitch wasn't coming! "Godammit!" I used the brick wall to push myself to my feet. "I should've known better than to expect him to actually show up."

My eyes focused into an evil glare at the ground in front of me as I began walking back to Butters' house. I shouldn't have expected Cartman to keep his word, after four years, I should've known better. I knew he hated me, and in fact has for years, but he shouldn't have called me to the school and forced me to leave…Butters…alone…

I stopped, my eyes widening with realization. Butters was alone, and Cartman knew it. "No!" Pushing my legs to the point where they were burning, I made my way back to the Stotch house faster than I ever had before and pushed my way through the front door. "Butters!"

Panting, I ran up the stairs where I left him in his room. The door was wide open and my heart began to race, I had left it shut. "Butters?" I yelled as I stopped in the doorway. Nothing was out of place except for the person I was looking for; Butters had woken up at some point when I was gone and changed - his night clothes were lying on the floor next to his bed. I ran into the bathroom, nothing was changed there, so I ran throughout the house yelling for Butters.

I stopped in the kitchen and looked around, trying to find any indication that maybe he had to go somewhere. It was unlike him to just leave without leaving a note behind, or texting me. I spotted a note next to the stove and scooped it up.

_Butters meet me at Stark's Pond I have a surprise for you. Kenny_

My eyes narrowed; that note wasn't written even close to my handwriting. Actually, it looked more like…Cartman's…? "Dammit!" I dropped the note and ran back out of the front door, slamming it shut as I ran.

Whatever was going to happen, I was certain that I couldn't handle it alone; I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Kyle's cell phone number. I slowed to a stop when it rang and then went to voicemail. What? Kyle always answered his phone…he could've been in the shower though. I punched in Stan's cell phone number - I had lifted it from Kyle's cell phone a few days ago - and continued towards Stark's Pond. A moment later, Stan's voice came over the phone:

"_Who's this?"_

"Kenny," I panted, becoming short of breath as I continued pushing myself as fast as I could go. "Could you get to Stark's Pond, **now**?"

"_Uh…sure…? What's going on?"_

"I found a note in Butters' house in Cartman's handwriting saying that I'd meet him at Stark's Pond," I explained. "I have a feeling Cartman planned something, and I don't want to imagine what."

"_Okay, I'll meet you there. Call Kyle too. I would but I'm driving. I really shouldn't even be talking now," _he muttered.

"I tried but he didn't answer." Stark's Pond came into sight; I could see a mass of people wearing black gathered in front of the parking lot there. "I'll try again, but I can't guarantee anything."

I didn't hear what Stan was saying as I heard the familiar noise of Butters' cries and screams coming from the mass of people as I drew closer to the pond. I ran faster when I heard a sound I hadn't heard in years: the sound of a bullwhip making contact with flesh. "BUTTERS!" I slammed my cell phone shut and stuffed it back into my pocket just before slamming into a thin boy and knocking him to the ground.

I pushed my way through the crowd, making a bee line for the Goth girl bringing the bullwhip up to strike Butters, held down by two other girls, again. Before I could attack her, four people caught and restrained me as I continued trying to stop her from harming Butters more. "Stop this, godammit!" I tried as hard as I could to pull my arms away from them and release my waist from their arms, locked around my waist. Anger induced tears fell down my face as I saw the tears in Butters' eyes, and the bullwhip cut into his back once again. Those fuckers were going to pay for this! "Let him go…!"

Sometime as I continued struggling and the deafening crack kept sounding off, Stan, in a closed black trench coat, stalked up to the center of the circle. What the hell was he doing? Why was he dressed like he was one of those bastards? He…He wasn't in on this, was he?

As the bullwhip was raised up again, Stan ran forward and blocked the whip's descent with his arms. I stopped struggling and my eyes widened. He just took a blow from a bullwhip? Can he not feel pain or something?

"Raven," one of the Goth boys demanded angrily, "what're you doing?" Raven? The gothic persona he invented back in elementary school?

Suddenly Stan grabbed the bullwhip and tore it from the girl's hand. "Get the fuck out of here!" His voice was almost threatening; he seemed to hate what was going on more than I did.

"Why should we?"

"You're harming an innocent child! You're lucky I don't fucking kill you all!" Whoa dude. Who is he?

"Oh yeah?" The Goth boy scoffed. "With what?"

I saw Stan draw a wakizashi from the inside of his trench coat then and point it at the boy in front of him. Damn! "With this."

The boy held up his hands in surrender and backed away. "Fine, we'll go." He looked at the people around. "Let's go. We did what we were paid to do."

The four who had been restraining me dropped me to my knees on the ground and followed the rest of the Goth kids away. "Who paid you?" I knew who it was; I just wanted to hear it. I wanted to know that I had a reason to kill the fat ass.

They just kept walking without answering me, but I wasn't too concerned. As they walked away, I took a few weak steps over to Butters and dropped back to my knees. I gently gathered him into my arms with my hands, instantly covered in his slick blood, trying to put a gentle amount of pressure on the injuries. Not enough to put him in more pain, but enough to try and slow the bleeding.

He gripped onto the front of my parka and cried into my chest. "Why? W-Why did you do this t-to me, Ken?"

My eyes watered with more tears as those words pierced painfully through my heart. He really believed I had something to do with what happened here… Knowing he thought that made me feel like the lowest piece of shit, though I had nothing to do with it. I couldn't protect him like I promised, and that was enough to make me feel like I had betrayed him.

Stan screamed something, but I couldn't hear him, my ears were deaf to everything except for the heartbreaking sound of the boy crying in my arms.


	11. Don't Hate Me

_Sorry this took so long to post up, but I got caught up with _Impossible_ for the past few months._

…

It was only after Stan left the hospital room that I finally allowed myself a moment of weakness and broke down into tears.

After Stan had stopped the Goth kids from whipping Butters to death, an ambulance had been called and taken the small blonde to Hell's Pass Hospital. I wasn't allowed to ride in the ambulance with him to the hospital, instead I rode with Stan. We talked very little the entire way here, but what we **did** say will forever remain in my mind…

…

I dropped down into the passenger's seat of Stan's Ford Taurus as I heard the ambulance's siren start up as the ambulance drove away towards Hell's Pass. My eyes were trained on my hands, still coated in the blood of my boyfriend. How could this have happened? How could I have fallen for Cartman's dirty fucking trick that easily? I should've known that he'd try something like this! I hung my head and bit my bottom lip to prevent a sob from breaking through. The blood was beginning to dry, sticking to me worse than syrup. I needed to wash my hands of the blood, to get the feeling of Butters' suffering off of me.

"…Kenny," Stan said suddenly from the driver's seat.

I looked up at him and realized that we were nearly to the hospital. How long had I been zoned out? "What?"

"You okay?"

"Y…Yeah…"

Stan was silent for a few more moment before saying, "It's not your fault dude."

I balled my hands into fists and then slowly straightened my fingers back out. I wasn't going to do that again since the blood was getting so sticky that it was too difficult to flex my fingers. "I…I know…"

"I don't think you do."

"Stan, I…" I sighed sadly and leaned against the closed door of the Taurus with my hands resting on my legs, palms facing up towards the roof. "It **is** my fault Stan. I wasn't there to protect Butters and even when I did get there, I couldn't do anything to help him," I glanced out of the window at the passing houses and shops, "I'm useless."

"You aren't useless Kenny. You were being restrained by four people bigger than you; there was no way you'd have been able to do anything."

My eyes narrowed. I knew Stan was just trying to be a good friend and comfort me, but I didn't want to hear the excuses he was trying to tell me to accept. "If I had tried just a little harder, then…maybe…"

Stan sighed. "Kenny, I know how you feel," his hands tightened on the steering wheel, "I really know how you fucking feel, but there was nothing you could do."

I glared over at my old friend. "How could you **possibly** understand how I feel right now?"

"Because," he shot a glare at right back at me, "Kyle called me not too long ago and told me that Clyde raped him."

My eyes widened. Clyde raped Kyle? But that…that was impossible! Clyde loved Kyle; he'd never do anything to hurt him like that, even if he found out about him and Stan! "Dude, that's not funny!"

"I'm being serious! Clyde raped Kyle!" Stan ground his teeth together and sent his glare out of the windshield. "I could've been there to prevent it! I could've stopped Clyde!"

Stan…was being serious. My mouth dropped open just slightly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Clyde really did it; he really did that to Kyle, the man he always said he loved more than life, his fiancé. I moved to rest my hand on Stan's arm but stopped when I remembered it was covered in blood. Instead I said, "You couldn't do anything about that though. It happened after you left the apartment."

Stan sighed and pulled the Taurus into the emergency room parking lot of Hell's Pass Hospital. "I shouldn't have left him alone. My gut told me not to, but I still did." He threw the car into park and looked over at me. "Tell me something Kenny, how did Cartman get into Butters' home to leave him that note?"

I bit my bottom lip and cleared my throat so a sob couldn't get through my mouth. "He called me and said that he wanted to talk to me about, well, us. For some reason, I believed him and I went to the high school to meet up with him. I guess he snuck into the house sometime when I was gone." I sighed. "Maybe this is a sign that I don't deserve him…that we're not meant to be together…"

"…What's it feel like when you kiss Butters?"

I raised an eyebrow. That was an odd question. "It feels like a bolt of lightening is passing right through me. I never wanna let him go, I just wanna hold him there forever."

"Then, can you answer another question?"

I turned my head to look at his face. "What?"

Suddenly, Stan's lips connected with my own passionately. In an automatic response, I opened my mouth and allowed his tongue access when I felt him flicking my bottom lip. Our tongues swirled around each other, fighting for dominance as we both moaned and he grabbed at my parks. We stayed like that for a minute more before Stan finally pulled away.

When I realized what had just happened, I pulled farther away from Stan and pressed up against the door. "What the hell was that about?" What was Stan doing? I'm not a whore anymore; I haven't been for years, so he couldn't have known about that part of my life. What was he thinking? What was he doing to Kyle?

He smiled innocently. "Did that feel anything like when you kiss Butters?"

"Well, no, but why…?"

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Go in there, and when Butters wakes up, give him a passionate kiss like what we just shared. If it's still there, then don't worry, you're meant for each other."

My eyes widened with realization. I smiled warmly at him. "Thanks dude."

"No problem. Now," Stan cut the engine and opened the driver's side door, "let's go in."

…

I looked over at where Butters was lying in a hospital bed as he groaned and stirred slowly from his sleep. My hands were clean now, so I grabbed onto his hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Butters?" I breathed out.

He groaned a bit more and then looked over at me with fear-filled eyes. "K-Ken? Why are you here?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know Cartman was gonna hurt you." I leaned over the bed to be hovering over his face. "I swear I didn't have anything to do with it," a single tear ran from my eye, "I really didn't."

As I connected our lips together passionately, I could feel the heat coming from my boyfriend's bright red face. When I flicked his lips with my tongue, he allowed me access. Without a fight, Butters submitted and melted into me. Our kiss felt the same as always, a bolt of lightening past right through me, my heart sped up so that I could hear it in my ears, and I could feel my own face flush red. I never wanted it to end, it was just too perfect even though he was in a hospital bed.

I pulled my tongue out of his mouth and kissed the corner of his lips chastely. I leaned back and saw the tears in his eyes. Quickly, I wiped them away. "What's wrong baby?"

A sob slipped past Butters' lips. "I still l-love you Ken! But I don't w-want to, not after what y-you tricked me into!"

My eyes widened as more tears spilled from them. I rested my forehead against the top of his hand and tried holding back sobs of my own, but failing miserably. "I didn't have anything to do with it, please believe me! It was Cartman! Please, **please** believe me baby! I begging you, don't hate me!" I kissed the top of his hand and looked up at him so I could look into his eyes. "Don't hate me…"


End file.
